Saturday, January 02, 2010

Happy New Year blog fans!

Sorry it's been sooooo long. My life has been crazy busy.

LOTS of exciting news to update on but no time just at the minute because of my lack of doing any schoolwork over the holidays up until today - whoops!

Will try very hard to get on here soon.

Love love love xxx

Saturday, October 24, 2009

My new life song - Haven't met you yet - Michael Buble
This song is AMAZING. And it makes me feel so positive about the future. He is on X Factor tomorrow night, I think it should be the law that you watch it (it should be the law even without Michael, but with Michael it should be erm, double law).

Another GREAT song that we did at spinning today - What about now - Chris Daughtry
You will no doubt be seeing this on X Factor too because stupid Westlife are covering it. Daughtry's video is really beautiful I think. Westlife's will no doubt be full of matching white suits and stools... quite sad that that is the only exposure some people will have to this song.

Half term. Thank goodness.

Love love love xxx

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Not doing well blogging in October...

Been pretty busy, nothing very exciting, mainly work, but a quick update anyway. Been to the gym quite a lot the last few weeks, not IN the gym because I find it a bit mind numbingly boring, but I've been swimming quite a lot and I've started going to Spinning classes which are the hardest physical thing I've ever done. Brilliant, but so hard. I thought it was about time I started getting fit, especially now I'm sitting about in my car so much.

Not a lot else to report really... that sounds boring. Going to see Michael McIntyre next month and Only Men Aloud in December so that will be something interesting to post about. But just so you know I'm still here!

Love love love xxx

Monday, October 05, 2009

As twittered by Rob Bell today...

Blessed are those who don't have it all together.
Blessed are those who have run out of strength, ideas, will power, resolve, or energy.
Blessed are those who ache because of how severely out of whack the world is.
Blessed are those stumble, trip, and fall in the same place again and again.
Blessed are those who on a regular basis have a dark day in which despair seems to be a step behind them wherever they go.
Blessed are you, for God is with you, God is on your side, God meets you in that place.
The gospel is the counterintuitive, joyous, exuberant news that Jesus has brought the unending, limitless, stunning love of God to even us.

Beautiful.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Haven't written a blog of randomness for a while. So I'm back. But I don't have very long to write today so I'll try to keep it brief for once.

School is still hard work and the drive there and back is nearly killing me, it's only 10 miles but in the stupid Walsall/Wolverhampton traffic it feels like about 110.

Joined a health club which I drive past on the way to and from work and so far I've been 5 times since last Saturday which is quite impressive, and it would have been more but I've been knocked out by my first cold in about 3 years. Have mostly been swimming but I've done a little bit in the gym. Went on a powerplate today, it nearly killed me. There was me thinking it would be all easy and relaxing and after 30 seconds doing an ab crunch on it I almost can't walk - excellent. Hopefully it might get rid of the alarmingly expanding food baby though.

Went to church this morning, evangelical stylee. Not sure it's quite me but at least people have talked to me. Not been to Aldridge in almost a month and I don't think anyone's even noticed yet. Eeeeshk really not very long, dinner's ready, so bye for now!

Love love love xxx

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Phew! Well has been very busy!

Work first, get that out the way. School is hard so far. I don't want to say too much more about it really, but I am having quite a hard time. But I keep my head down and I keep going.

That bit was nice and quick! Right, onto something GOOD next... went to see We Will Rock You on Thursday night with the lovely Melissa, and it was sooooooo great. Made me see Queen songs in a whole new light. I've always known Queen songs, I think you'd have to live on another planet to miss them, but I think because they're SO famous it can be easy to not really listen to them anymore. A real highlight for me on Thursday was Sombody to Love that Scaramouche sang, she had a phenomenal voice and it was a really heartfelt performance. The whole show was great; funny, sad, hopeful... just fantastic. So much so in fact that I decided to go again. Which is not really like me. But Saturday was the last day in Birmingham so it wasn't the best plan I've ever had! Phoned up first thing on Saturday morning and there was one seat left, almost like it was meant to be!! So I went. And I have to say the second time was even more brilliant. The audience was much more responsive and at the end everyone was on their feet dancing and generally being a bit mental. It was just amazing. And totally different highlight this time, which was No one but you (aka Only the good die young). It actually made me fill up. Just a massive goosebump moment. So I've had that on repeat ever since. Play the Game was fantastic too. And, weirdly, I think one of the things that made a difference for me on Saturday was that I was on my own. Not for a second saying that was better than going with Melissa!!!!! Because I love her and was great to go with her! But when I do stuff like that by myself I feel free. And I feel free to be myself and so for example, I had no problem standing up and having a dance, whereas I know if I was with other people I would probably be a bit self conscious about it. And I got to thinking, does anybody actually KNOW me anymore? The me that I am now? At Uni I think a fair few people really knew me and I could be completely myself with them. And even after Uni for a bit. And of course during that period Chris knew me. But if he met me now he'd meet a very different person. But it makes me sort of sad to think nobody knows the real me now... maybe I'm wrong, maybe they do. And there are certainly people that know me pretty well. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I want someone to share my life with.

Now, from the good experience to the bad... church. I went to Joshua's christening at St Thomas' this morning. St Thomas' has never been my favourite place in the world, it's always been a bit odd even from my AYF days, and hadn't been for a really long time until today. And even though Richard T is great, it still just gives me really funny vibes. And I was sat there this morning thinking, I just don't fit. And not just at St Thomas'. In church in general. I don't feel like I fit anywhere. And after speaking with a couple of people about it, most notably Hoyland, I've started to wonder about being single in the church and if anybody fits. I'm thinking mainly of females here. Because, let's face it, there are not many men IN the church in comparison to women, and a lot of churches frown upon non-Christian unions (sweeping generalisation there but my experience so far), so surely in that case, there will always be single women within the church, but it seems like the church wants to ignore this. What I'm saying here might not be very clear and well thought out yet but hopefully the gist is there. In my experience of church at the moment, I am moreorless the only single female. Most people my age are already married. Obviously the youth group are mainly single or dating so they are not married, but then they are young (I know I'm hardly over the hill but in church terms it sometimes seems like it). But because all of these people are married, it means anybody single is a minority. These married couples socialise together, and so they should, and that's a comfortable state. As soon as you throw someone single into the mix it's harder. The world is not geared up for singletons. I would feel weird going out for dinner with just a married couple for instance. Because in the back of my mind I would feel like they would rather be on their own and also like a gooseberry. And I know the problem in that situation is all with me, but it doesn't make it any less difficult. Oh I don't know quite what point I'm trying to make here. But if I'm feeling like this being single in church at the age of 24 that really worries me. Because 24 is really not old. Christians in my experience get married a lot younger than a lot of the rest of society. So at 24 I am made to feel like I'm left on the shelf, and that shouldn't be the case at all. And I shouldn't have to have patronising married people telling me how wonderful it is that I have more time to dedicate to God if I'm single. I think maybe part of my reason for being quite so bitter about this behaviour is from the time I was told I should be single forever because I was damaged. Nice. But the last thing a single person (or me at least) wants to hear is a married person telling them how wonderful it is to be single. If it was so wonderful then why did they get married?!

Oh I don't know. I'm just a bit disenchanted with it all. And more than a bit annoyed by the attitude that I'm single for the long haul because I'm 24. I mean, who knows, I might be (although I really hope not because that's not what I want for myself AT ALL), but it shouldn't be assumed. It reminds me of the Lily Allen song 22, which says:

It's sad but it's true how society says her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Till the man of her dreams comes along, picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age.

Why should anyone feel like they've been written off because they're not married? Being single doesn't make me any less of a person than someone who's married. It might not be the state I want to be in forever but it still doesn't make me any more incomplete than anyone else.

Right, anyway, I'm going to go now and try to process some of this into actual logical thoughts.

Love love love xxx

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Bloggety blog...

So, I've done my first 2 days at the new job with no kids. Feeling very much apprehensive about the whole thing and quite terrified of tomorrow!! Must be brave...

Update on the last blog is that I've decided against leading housegroup for the time being. Just feel like it is totally the wrong time. Job wise I know I'm going to be stupidly busy based on what I've seen so far, and church wise, well, it's in a state of disarray really. Don't really know what to do with myself there. I'm quite thankful that I have Melissa to share it with, even though I'm not thankful she's feeling like me about it, because at least we're both in the same boat and can try to get out of it together. That was such a bad sentence.

The morning after my last blog I woke up pretty late, after my camping sleep of the weekend, and really wanted to cry. And I have NO idea why. I pulled myself together though. I think maybe I was just overtired or something. Although I've been a bit weepy all week really, almost cried during Athlete on Monday night and did have a cry on Thursday at school. Although that was because I was totally overwhelmed by information and by the thought of how much I would need to do to get things to a standard I'm happy with. I think I'm more stressed about it than I'd realised really, I thought I was quite laid back about it (for me anyway), but actually I don't think I am, and I'm basing this on my sleep pattern... I have been sleeping but I've been really tense in the night, waking up with aching muscles and my cheeks and tongue have been bitten to shreds which only ever happens when I'm stressing about something. Plus I've been having horrific dreams for the last few nights and dreaming is often a sign that things aren't quite right. I went for a massage on Wednesday to try and sort out the ache which did really help actually but it's started to come back again now. Might have a nice hot bath. Oh this is so uninteresting.

Right, I'm off to do some washing and ironing for a few minutes I think, rock n roller that I am. Then bath and bed ready for my trek across the M6 tomorrow morning, woohoo!

Love love love xxx