Hurray for Fridays!

Has been a really tough week this week, lots of parent problems at school which always stress me out, and then of course the not so nice dermatologist yesterday.

Went to the hospital for an injection in a scar I have, been having them for a few months now. Anyway, it was a new consultant yesterday, and he was just sooooooo not nice. He said basically that there was no point injecting it anymore because it would always be there and that if I had had treatment for my acne earlier it wouldn't even be there. Which is untrue in all senses. Since I was about 15 I have been striving for some acne treatment that works. I have tried everything there is. And nothing has made a difference. And the scar isn't even from acne, it's from a mosquito bite that got infected. And he didn't really make the experience very positive. So then he told me my face looked dreadful and he couldn't believe I hadn't done anything about it. And he asked me if anyone else had mentioned it to me, like my boyfriend, and when I said I didn't have one he said "Yes, well that is understandable". I couldn't believe it. So I got home and just sobbed, really crushed the tiny little bit of confidence I had left in myself. I work so bloody hard every morning trying to make myself feel decent enough to even want to go out of the house and for someone to say that to me really knocked me for six. And the hours I have spent telling myself that I'm not ugly and I'm not horrible and that I do deserve somebody all just feel like a waste.

Anyway, the video I posted last night was a response to that, and even though I don't usually like to do this I am going to put the lyrics on here now because they really touched me.

she's so big hearted,
but not so remarkable
just an ordinary humble girl
expecting nothing as we're made to think its a pretty person's world

but you are beautiful and you better go show it
so go look again,
you gotta be true to your own
if you really wanna go to the top
do you really wanna win?
don't believe in leaving normal just to satisfy demand

well if you wanna get free
and if you wanna do the passionate thing
and if you wanna get smart for the sake of your heart and all
you should own your name and stand up tall
and get real and see the beauty in ugly

well you are fresh, your face is fabulous
don't forget your one of a kind
when nobody is checking the deeds you've done
and nobody is hearing your cries
you make all of the fashion statements just by dressing up your mind

well if you wanna get free
and if you wanna do the passionate thing
and if you wanna get smart for the sake of your heart and all
you should own your name and stand up tall
and get real and see the beauty in ugly
and see the beauty in ugly

well if you wanna get free
and if you wanna do the passionate thing
and if you wanna get smart for the sake of your heart and all
you should own your name and stand up tall
and get real and see the beauty in ugly
see the beauty in a ugly

A few weeks ago I spoke about the beauty in my imperfections. And even though that's really hard for me to see at the moment, the fact that someone else in this world would write a song like this, to me is amazing.

Anyway, trying not to dwell on the badness too much, I'm really looking forward to the weekend. Tomorrow I'm going to Gem's birthday party (assuming she hasn't gone into labour by then!) and then in the evening I'm having Mel and Emily over for Eurovision which I'm very excited about. I love Eurovision. And I love Mel and Emily and don't ever get to see them enough, so brill on both counts. Then Sunday I might be going to aerobics with Suzie which is good, I really want to start doing stuff like that for myself, I think it does me a lot of good, but I hate going alone. My school trip this year is canoeing and sailing which I think is going to be lots of fun, and it was suggested in the staffroom today that we go to Go Ape! Which is not really my thing because I don't like heights but I threw caution to the wind and said yes. He he. What a daredevil eh? Hahaha.

I'm really liking school at the moment. I really feel like I fit and I'm making some good friends there. I know I've been there now for almost 9 months and only have 2 more to go, so it seems rather late in the day to be feeling like this, but it has taken time to settle in, which is another reason I'm so gutted to be leaving. I really hope I can stay in touch with the people I've met there. We have a student in at the moment and I am loving that, having someone else my age (ish) around the place, it makes a nice change. And also a boy which is a change for our school! I've always got on better with boys though for as long as I can remember and I'm not really friends with that many at the moment, so I very rarely see any, so is kind of nice. And there is just a lovely group of people there I think, we really have a good time together.

Right, going to go now before I start thinking about how I have to leave or about my "dreadful" face.

EUROVISION! Wooop!

Love love love xxx