I meant to write again on Wednesday but never quite got round to it. This is what I was going to put on...

Oh for goodness sake. Well the whole crazy happiness of yesterday has somewhat fallen on it's arse. I knew it was too good to be true. Ah well, thems the breaks. I guess it's not so bad sharing what it was now in my fluffy headness. I sort of developed a bit of a school girl crush on someone, and actually, it was all quite exciting. And even though I now know it's never going to go anywhere, it's okay. Because maybe I didn't need it to. Maybe just getting that feeling about someone again is enough. Because for the longest time I genuinely didn't think I ever would. So actually I'm remarkably upbeat about the whole situation. Plus, it did make for one heck of a brilliant day yesterday! All I need now is to feel it again and for someone to feel it back. That could be the hard part!!! But until then I shall continue to have ridiculous celebrity crushes and you know what, I may just have made a great friend. Here's hoping.

So that's what went on on Wednesday!

On Thursday I went school visiting - it was a very odd experience this week, slightly mad school... I am really beginning to detest the whole application trying to find a new job thing. The more schools I visit the more I realise I just don't want to leave where I am, and I have to, and it sucks. And I am just praying my hardest that I will get something soon somewhere NICE. Mum has been on at me quite a bit this week about how I might just have to take whatever I can get, which I know is true, but I just feel like actually, I kind of paid my dues last year with where I worked, and it would be nice to just get settled and happy somewhere. I feel like I've had enough unhappiness to last me a while. So calling all readers to keep their fingers and toes and arms and legs and eyes etc crossed that something good will happen there.

The rest of the week so far has been fairly uneventful, but I have been oddly tired. I think maybe my iron levels have dropped again. And I feel a bit like a duck swimming along. Now just bear with me... by this I mean that everything on the surface looks lovely and smooth and gentle and wonderful, but just beneath the surface I'm paddling like hell to keep going. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed I suppose... I cover it up well most of the time, but I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and I could actually see in my face how I felt which was a worry. I'm tired and I feel like I never really catch up on anything, like I'm always behind with things, and as we all know, my life isn't exactly panning out quite to plan, and trying to figure out the new plan is hard work and actually if I'm totally honest, just plain frightening.

Oh I really should go, I'm beginning to babble. I will try to say happy things next time... fingers crossed!

Love love love xxx