Blogging again, to finish a couple of bits I was going to say last night.
On Saturday in Ambleside, there was a moment while we were walking through the tennis court/bowling green/crazy golf park and I had a song going round and round in my brain which I think is a totally epic song and stirs up so much good emotion in me, and it fitted in perfectly with the day. It's One Day Like This by Elbow, and I'm going to put two links to it here, the first is the official music video, and the second is an immense live performance with the BBC orchestra. I'm putting them both because I think the vocals at the beginning of the live one are a bit off because they're a bit quiet, so this way you get a bit of a choice!
One Day Like This video
One Day Like This live
I think this would be a great song to have at a wedding, maybe walking down the aisle at the end.
Another great song while I'm thinking, I heard this this morning completely by accident when my mp3 player was on shuffle, it's called Sleep All Day by Jason Mraz. I think this is the sort of song that can make me feel happy and chilled even on a Monday morning. This version is an acoustic live version, although there are fuller band versions on youtube, I think there is real beauty in the simplicity here.
Sleep All Day
Another song to look out for that made my motorway journey so much more bearable was Friday I'm in Love by the Cure. Can't find any very good videos on youtube but look on itunes or similar because it's great.
We've just been tonight for our family photo session at Eileen Mason's, which we got Mum and Dad for their 30th wedding anniversary. Mike who helped on my pictures was our photographer and it was really good fun, mainly because we got to tickle Matt, and Mum got to tickle Dad, and no one got to tickle me. Although they're definitely more ticklish than me, they were both lying on the floor all helpless and giggling. Very funny. We're going to view them on the 9th.
Right, done for now!
Love love love xxx
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday 23rd August although technically the early hours of Monday 24th August
Has been a little while...
I've just got back from Lancaster. Well, not just at 12..30 at night. Just as in this evening. I've had a brilliant time.
Went up on Thursday afternoon and had a lovely tea at Liz and Jim's, in fact must get the recipe off them cos it was yum. We watched Knocked Up in the evening which I'd never seen before. Katherine Heigl was better in it I thought than in The Ugly Truth but I'm still not convinced about her.
Friday I went a-visiting, went to see James and Ailsa and the twins and Marianne was up too so it was a real little reunion. We went to Williamson Park, just one of my favourite places ever, and played in the park. The girls are getting so big now, can't believe they're nearly one! Seems like they only came home about a month ago! They're properly adorable though, I reckon it won't be long before Ivy's walking and then the mischief can begin! Was great to catch up with them all and it was really sunny and warm, making my umbrella rather unnecessary... I'd forgotten all about the Lancaster hilliness too - flat old Pelsall has made me lazy, could hardly move my legs on Saturday morning!! On Friday evening we went to Greaves Park for tea and met the Badgers and Andrew and Carolyn. Much better food there these days, really enjoyed it, and I'd forgotten how much I missed going out with a group of people like that. I hardly ever do it these days. I sometimes go out for peoples birthdays but that isn't really the same because you never know anybody in the same way at things like that I don't think. So that was lovely.
On Saturday it was sunny again, shock horror! So me, Liz and Jim went to Ambleside for the day which was very exciting. I miss the Lake District. Which I didn't think I'd catch myself saying because I'm not a big walker but was dragged around it a lot in my youth, but it is undeniably one of the prettiest places ever, and especially in the sunshine. We played Crazy Golf which was very entertaining, especially Jim disease, and then had ice cream, hurray! Finally summer! (well until today...) Fab day.
Saturday night I went out for tea with Steve to Glasson Dock which I never even knew existed, so that was an adventure for me. It was so great to catch up properly with him and chat through stuff, I hadn't realised how much I'd missed it. Lots of food for thought too which is not going to be published on here yet. But it was fab, Steve is one of my favourite people ever, even though he does think I'm gullible (which I possibly might be).
Then today we went to Chaplaincy and it was great because it was so small which is the total opposite of what I'm used to these days, and had chance to chat to Hugh who was away last time, and Vincent, which was a really nice surprise because I thought he'd moved to Cambridge already. It's lovely to catch up with old friends.
Out for lunch again, this time to Penny Street Bridge which is one change in Lancaster I'm very happy about because it's soooo much nicer than it used to be when it was the Farmer's Arms! Lovely Roast Dinner and chat with Liz and Jim. Then home after being blocked in by Poppy the cat!
I just love Lancaster. I thought this walking around on my own after seeing the Waltons and Marianne. I don't know what it is, but something about it is just so appealing and brilliant. I know a lot of it is probably memories of my Uni days, because they were great, but I don't think it can be just that, because quite a lot of those memories are still quite painful. I don't know. I think it's quite a pretty city.
And I love Liz and Jim, I think they're one of the best couples I know. They both totally bring out the best in each other and I think it just shows that some things were meant to be. They really inspire me to be a better person. (Liz is probably reading this and thinking I'm talking utter rubbish!) I'm so glad I know them.
And I'm glad I know Steve. (Honestly, every time I go to Lancaster these days I come on here and gush in an embarrassing fashion!) I think Steve has been a really big influence in my life, especially faith wise. I still don't really get where I fit in the whole grand plan business and church is still a bit issue for me, trying to find somewhere that I feel comfortable, but I think talking with him really helps me organise things in my head. At the moment I'm split between 3 churches, trying to find somewhere I can be, and none of them are really me, so it's nice to know that there is someone there that I can talk to about things that will know where I'm coming from.
Right, loads more I could waffle about but for your sanity and my beauty sleep I won't. But I will end with a quote from that great film, The Holiday, because times like this weekend do make me feel worthwhile again. I really feel like me again, and I'm happy.
I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
Love love love xxx
Has been a little while...
I've just got back from Lancaster. Well, not just at 12..30 at night. Just as in this evening. I've had a brilliant time.
Went up on Thursday afternoon and had a lovely tea at Liz and Jim's, in fact must get the recipe off them cos it was yum. We watched Knocked Up in the evening which I'd never seen before. Katherine Heigl was better in it I thought than in The Ugly Truth but I'm still not convinced about her.
Friday I went a-visiting, went to see James and Ailsa and the twins and Marianne was up too so it was a real little reunion. We went to Williamson Park, just one of my favourite places ever, and played in the park. The girls are getting so big now, can't believe they're nearly one! Seems like they only came home about a month ago! They're properly adorable though, I reckon it won't be long before Ivy's walking and then the mischief can begin! Was great to catch up with them all and it was really sunny and warm, making my umbrella rather unnecessary... I'd forgotten all about the Lancaster hilliness too - flat old Pelsall has made me lazy, could hardly move my legs on Saturday morning!! On Friday evening we went to Greaves Park for tea and met the Badgers and Andrew and Carolyn. Much better food there these days, really enjoyed it, and I'd forgotten how much I missed going out with a group of people like that. I hardly ever do it these days. I sometimes go out for peoples birthdays but that isn't really the same because you never know anybody in the same way at things like that I don't think. So that was lovely.
On Saturday it was sunny again, shock horror! So me, Liz and Jim went to Ambleside for the day which was very exciting. I miss the Lake District. Which I didn't think I'd catch myself saying because I'm not a big walker but was dragged around it a lot in my youth, but it is undeniably one of the prettiest places ever, and especially in the sunshine. We played Crazy Golf which was very entertaining, especially Jim disease, and then had ice cream, hurray! Finally summer! (well until today...) Fab day.
Saturday night I went out for tea with Steve to Glasson Dock which I never even knew existed, so that was an adventure for me. It was so great to catch up properly with him and chat through stuff, I hadn't realised how much I'd missed it. Lots of food for thought too which is not going to be published on here yet. But it was fab, Steve is one of my favourite people ever, even though he does think I'm gullible (which I possibly might be).
Then today we went to Chaplaincy and it was great because it was so small which is the total opposite of what I'm used to these days, and had chance to chat to Hugh who was away last time, and Vincent, which was a really nice surprise because I thought he'd moved to Cambridge already. It's lovely to catch up with old friends.
Out for lunch again, this time to Penny Street Bridge which is one change in Lancaster I'm very happy about because it's soooo much nicer than it used to be when it was the Farmer's Arms! Lovely Roast Dinner and chat with Liz and Jim. Then home after being blocked in by Poppy the cat!
I just love Lancaster. I thought this walking around on my own after seeing the Waltons and Marianne. I don't know what it is, but something about it is just so appealing and brilliant. I know a lot of it is probably memories of my Uni days, because they were great, but I don't think it can be just that, because quite a lot of those memories are still quite painful. I don't know. I think it's quite a pretty city.
And I love Liz and Jim, I think they're one of the best couples I know. They both totally bring out the best in each other and I think it just shows that some things were meant to be. They really inspire me to be a better person. (Liz is probably reading this and thinking I'm talking utter rubbish!) I'm so glad I know them.
And I'm glad I know Steve. (Honestly, every time I go to Lancaster these days I come on here and gush in an embarrassing fashion!) I think Steve has been a really big influence in my life, especially faith wise. I still don't really get where I fit in the whole grand plan business and church is still a bit issue for me, trying to find somewhere that I feel comfortable, but I think talking with him really helps me organise things in my head. At the moment I'm split between 3 churches, trying to find somewhere I can be, and none of them are really me, so it's nice to know that there is someone there that I can talk to about things that will know where I'm coming from.
Right, loads more I could waffle about but for your sanity and my beauty sleep I won't. But I will end with a quote from that great film, The Holiday, because times like this weekend do make me feel worthwhile again. I really feel like me again, and I'm happy.
I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.
Love love love xxx
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Just a quick one cos it's 1.15 in the am, which is a silly time to still be up, although I kinda like the world at this time. Used to go out for a walk at this sort of time in Lancaster... those were the days.
Just to say really, that however naive it is, and however much it has been proved to the contrary, I completely believe in happily ever afters. Now I've possibly said this before, but in case you missed it, I'm totally the sort of person that believes everything is wonderful until proven crap. And quite often even after that. Now all the evidence from my life alone, never mind everywhere else, shows me that happily ever afters don't exist. And plenty of people have told me this as well over the years. But I still believe in them. Which might be mental and might be stupid but I don't really care. I think if I didn't believe in them I'd go mad so it's probably best I do.
All this comes from just watching Enchanted for about the millionth time. I love that film. I think it is one of the best Disney films ever, a real modern classic. The bit where Robert sings to Giselle never fails to make me turn to mush inside, and the final montage always brings a smile to my face. I just love it.
So, in a world where finding love feels unlikely, and being happy is sometimes a struggle, I cling to my belief that happily ever after DOES exist, and I will never stop dreaming and I will never stop looking for it.
A song from the film that really encapsulates this is Ever Ever After by Carrie Underwood. And, as you know I don't do the lyrics thing very much, but I'm going to with this song because I genuinely believe that it has a really positive and good message and that if more people believed in it the world would be a better place. (I so should live in Andalasia)
Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
In our secretest heart, it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it to
Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away
Start a new fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after
No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through
To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after
I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
Oh, for ever ever ever after
Lush lush lush. I LOVE IT!
Love love love xxx
Just to say really, that however naive it is, and however much it has been proved to the contrary, I completely believe in happily ever afters. Now I've possibly said this before, but in case you missed it, I'm totally the sort of person that believes everything is wonderful until proven crap. And quite often even after that. Now all the evidence from my life alone, never mind everywhere else, shows me that happily ever afters don't exist. And plenty of people have told me this as well over the years. But I still believe in them. Which might be mental and might be stupid but I don't really care. I think if I didn't believe in them I'd go mad so it's probably best I do.
All this comes from just watching Enchanted for about the millionth time. I love that film. I think it is one of the best Disney films ever, a real modern classic. The bit where Robert sings to Giselle never fails to make me turn to mush inside, and the final montage always brings a smile to my face. I just love it.
So, in a world where finding love feels unlikely, and being happy is sometimes a struggle, I cling to my belief that happily ever after DOES exist, and I will never stop dreaming and I will never stop looking for it.
A song from the film that really encapsulates this is Ever Ever After by Carrie Underwood. And, as you know I don't do the lyrics thing very much, but I'm going to with this song because I genuinely believe that it has a really positive and good message and that if more people believed in it the world would be a better place. (I so should live in Andalasia)
Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
In our secretest heart, it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it to
Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away
Start a new fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe
Unafraid, unashamed
There is joy to be claimed in this world
You even might wind up being glad to be you
Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after
No wonder your heart feels it's flying
Your head feels it's spinning
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through
To ever ever after
Forever could even start today
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away
Your ever ever after
I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
Oh, for ever ever ever after
Lush lush lush. I LOVE IT!
Love love love xxx
Saturday, August 08, 2009
So, has been a little while. Today I have had one of those brilliant unexpected days, but more of that in a bit.
Went to Longleat with Beckie this week. Even though it rained it was great, it is an amazing place. We saw Lord Bath in a rather interesting pair of bright yellow velvet trousers... and we saw where Johnny the Otter used to live. We saw Nico the gorilla and Henry the giraffe. We didn't see Wheelie though. We found pictures of Head of Section Darren Beesley and Ben Fogle... was a bit gutted not to meet the real Ben Fogle but hey you can't have everything. So yeah, great couple of days, just a pity about the weather.
And then today. Was amaaaaarrrrrzing. I hadn't really planned a lot for today. Last night I'd toyed with the idea of taking myself off to Lancaster and sitting somewhere with my journal. Ashton or Jubilee Tower or somewhere. I'd also thought about taking myself off to the seaside somewhere. I love the sea, and it helps me to think. Sadly I live about as far away from the sea as I possibly can in this country... Anyway, remembered that I had a back massage booked at 11 to try and sort out all my horrid knots, so that put paid to those ideas a little bit. So I decided to pop into Birmingham to get a new diary and pyjamas. Rock n roll. Thought I might have a walk around the canal area too cos it was nice and sunny for a change. Anyway, when I got to the Bullring the Debenhams end was just rammed and there was all this screaming going on, wasn't very impressed. Went off to do a few bits and bobs then on the way back down to HMV I saw a sign on the staging that was up on the bottom floor saying that How to Look Good Naked was being filmed... well, how could I resist a bit of Gok? I LOVE him! I want him to be my gay best friend. And I want him to take me shopping. So I found myself a spot on the second floor to watch catwalk show number 2. It was great. It was, I think, a mother and daughter called Maria and possibly Barbara (I was stood behind the stage so I couldn't really hear anything that Gok was saying). They looked fantastic. At the end Gok said there'd be 2 more shows. Well, I'd been stood there for about an hour and a half waiting for show 2 and hadn't turned up straight after show 1 so I figured I had a bit of time to do my shopping and then find a new space. So went and did my bits of shopping and then when I came back it was really busy. I suppose a lot of people were just about getting off work, so the only space I could find was rammed up against a store guide up on the 3rd floor. I could see alright from up there but could hear even less, and everyone around me was sooooo boring. Show 3 was a woman called April who seemed to have bucketloads of confidence. Anyway, after the 3rd show I decided to go straight down to the bottom floor to get a space early for the last show so I could properly see. By this time it was about half past 6 and the place was emptying a bit. I was stood with a pretty good bunch of people, right on the left hand corner of the runway. The show didn't start till almost 7.30 so my feet were killing cos had been standing up watching/shopping since 1.30, but it was the best one by far. We all had a dance and a sing and Gok was great with the crowd. Because the shops were shutting there were only people there who wanted to watch and join in so the atmosphere was great, and it was the series finale so all the crew and Gok were quite hyped up. It was brilliant. This time it was a woman called Jane and she was really funny, it was great to watch. And Gok's family were in the audience too which was cool. I got filmed quite a lot in the last show, which was exciting but wish I'd known before, because I was wearing the worst outfit and had the worst hair ever. I was wearing a top from my Uni days which if I'm honest is a bit on the tight side these days, I had my fringe plaited and clipped up, no make up on so ridiculous shiny face. Oh dear. So they will no doubt cut me out of the final edit! By the time we finished it was almost 8.30 so I went back off to the train, and on the way back I just thought to myself, today was so unexpected but that is what made it so great. So often the days you don't plan are the best. I always used to think this about nights out at Uni. The ones we planned for weeks were always a bit of an anticlimax, whereas the ones planned 5 minutes in advance were usually fantastic. I love days like today. And I love it on days like today when I'm free to follow the impulse. My plan today was to get the shopping done, be home for about 2.30/3ish, do a bit of cleaning, watch a bit of TV, maybe have a bath. And I love that I could throw that plan out of the window at the drop of a hat. Now this probably all sounds rather gushy, but really, today put me in such a good mood because of how unexpected it was. It was the sort of day that reminded me it was good to be alive. It's good to stand with a random group of people all doing the same thing. So yeah. It was just a great day.
Love love love xxx
Went to Longleat with Beckie this week. Even though it rained it was great, it is an amazing place. We saw Lord Bath in a rather interesting pair of bright yellow velvet trousers... and we saw where Johnny the Otter used to live. We saw Nico the gorilla and Henry the giraffe. We didn't see Wheelie though. We found pictures of Head of Section Darren Beesley and Ben Fogle... was a bit gutted not to meet the real Ben Fogle but hey you can't have everything. So yeah, great couple of days, just a pity about the weather.
And then today. Was amaaaaarrrrrzing. I hadn't really planned a lot for today. Last night I'd toyed with the idea of taking myself off to Lancaster and sitting somewhere with my journal. Ashton or Jubilee Tower or somewhere. I'd also thought about taking myself off to the seaside somewhere. I love the sea, and it helps me to think. Sadly I live about as far away from the sea as I possibly can in this country... Anyway, remembered that I had a back massage booked at 11 to try and sort out all my horrid knots, so that put paid to those ideas a little bit. So I decided to pop into Birmingham to get a new diary and pyjamas. Rock n roll. Thought I might have a walk around the canal area too cos it was nice and sunny for a change. Anyway, when I got to the Bullring the Debenhams end was just rammed and there was all this screaming going on, wasn't very impressed. Went off to do a few bits and bobs then on the way back down to HMV I saw a sign on the staging that was up on the bottom floor saying that How to Look Good Naked was being filmed... well, how could I resist a bit of Gok? I LOVE him! I want him to be my gay best friend. And I want him to take me shopping. So I found myself a spot on the second floor to watch catwalk show number 2. It was great. It was, I think, a mother and daughter called Maria and possibly Barbara (I was stood behind the stage so I couldn't really hear anything that Gok was saying). They looked fantastic. At the end Gok said there'd be 2 more shows. Well, I'd been stood there for about an hour and a half waiting for show 2 and hadn't turned up straight after show 1 so I figured I had a bit of time to do my shopping and then find a new space. So went and did my bits of shopping and then when I came back it was really busy. I suppose a lot of people were just about getting off work, so the only space I could find was rammed up against a store guide up on the 3rd floor. I could see alright from up there but could hear even less, and everyone around me was sooooo boring. Show 3 was a woman called April who seemed to have bucketloads of confidence. Anyway, after the 3rd show I decided to go straight down to the bottom floor to get a space early for the last show so I could properly see. By this time it was about half past 6 and the place was emptying a bit. I was stood with a pretty good bunch of people, right on the left hand corner of the runway. The show didn't start till almost 7.30 so my feet were killing cos had been standing up watching/shopping since 1.30, but it was the best one by far. We all had a dance and a sing and Gok was great with the crowd. Because the shops were shutting there were only people there who wanted to watch and join in so the atmosphere was great, and it was the series finale so all the crew and Gok were quite hyped up. It was brilliant. This time it was a woman called Jane and she was really funny, it was great to watch. And Gok's family were in the audience too which was cool. I got filmed quite a lot in the last show, which was exciting but wish I'd known before, because I was wearing the worst outfit and had the worst hair ever. I was wearing a top from my Uni days which if I'm honest is a bit on the tight side these days, I had my fringe plaited and clipped up, no make up on so ridiculous shiny face. Oh dear. So they will no doubt cut me out of the final edit! By the time we finished it was almost 8.30 so I went back off to the train, and on the way back I just thought to myself, today was so unexpected but that is what made it so great. So often the days you don't plan are the best. I always used to think this about nights out at Uni. The ones we planned for weeks were always a bit of an anticlimax, whereas the ones planned 5 minutes in advance were usually fantastic. I love days like today. And I love it on days like today when I'm free to follow the impulse. My plan today was to get the shopping done, be home for about 2.30/3ish, do a bit of cleaning, watch a bit of TV, maybe have a bath. And I love that I could throw that plan out of the window at the drop of a hat. Now this probably all sounds rather gushy, but really, today put me in such a good mood because of how unexpected it was. It was the sort of day that reminded me it was good to be alive. It's good to stand with a random group of people all doing the same thing. So yeah. It was just a great day.
Love love love xxx
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